#4 Poems by Ryan Hoskin

Skin

Rather than deriding my weaknesses, or running away from them, or "working to change them"

I dance, resting

swirling myself 

In circles to shed

The sunbaked clay

Like snake skin

And I wonder 

What would I have become

Without the brace

Of clay?

Abandonment

One moment 

Blissfully happy, the next

I have moved on

Like macaroni and cheese,

Fireplace in winter,

Pure oxytocin 

When will I feel

Within myself 

The unconditional warmth

Of a dog's love?

Canine honesty instills

No anxiety

Yet humans

Tend to walk

Away from love:

We are afraid 

But do we have to be?

How would I stop?

Hostage

Are you a stage

For my dramas?

Or are you 

My lover?

Where else 

Will I

Put this

Stifled love? 

Taking it away 

From myself

And bringing it to you 

Like a cat with a dead

Mouse, is less

Painful than having 

It taken from me

Dreaming I let

It all go to bliss

I'm not sure

That he cares

About me so

Much as holding 

Me

What else would happen 

In a narcissistic love?

Inherent Medicine

When the Sun

hits the canopy 

at that perfect 

afternoon angle

and the leaves 

become mirrors 

and candles aglow

Creating more light

In the forest

The mossy coves a sea 

of spermatogonia sing praise

and I high-five them in thanks

There is no such thing 

as a diamond in the rough

only diamonds littering

the leaves of the old canopy

Which still breathes 

and glistens 

and glows, 

listens and nourishes

the crows

The rays they play 

with my soul, tinkering 

with my spirit, adjusting 

my path, and I am grateful

For not knowing 

the next step but trusting

the trail carved by meandering

light

What is the difference 

between hills and blood? 

Wind and sea? 

Why be one 

when I am many?

The patience 

of the forest grows

in me new light

With every breath 

and every death

I've become 

the humble 

mossy glade

Even if it's raining

Even if I'm bleeding

I follow

The sun

How to Kill Someone You Love 

You can't speed your way out of this. And when he says to put yourself

in your own shoes at 23 years old

you say f*** it because you know you can't. 

"I love you" is dangerous,

Lead poisoning

Me, you. 

When all your pussy can dream

Is long hair, side shaves,

And your mind is vacuous

This is the best time

For YOU 

to pull the plug

But you don't,

Just watch him teetering

In the rapids of his heart

Beating beating beating beating

You take comfort in that

Lie, your head on his chest

As he cries and you just try,

Fail, try, and fail

Cry, passing on the wail

In his waters grieving 

Worried about him,

You are not

Sick, just thinking

Of her last

Night

You let the guilt smolder

Under the bathroom rug

Yet each morning you are 

Taunted by dust bunnies

Welcoming them into your palm,

They run and disappear 

When honesty brings as much

Unfairness as it does freedom

Is not a fair, perhaps

An elk calf in bear country,

In the wildflowers

"Am I a sociopath"

Because I refuse 

To use my knife?